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Why Are You So Sad?

Do we need to know why is such a good question. I seems like I’m always searching for the answers. I assume once I have the answer I can formulate a plan to fix. Aka stop the emotion of sad or mad or scared because now I know why the emotion is happening.

But... is this really true? Is there anything to fix? Do I even need to know why?

I just asked my intuition the other day, "do I need to know why I am feeling mad, sad, angry? Or why my kids feel this way?"

My intuition answered back with the same question, "do you need to know why?" She asked the question back because I already knew the answer. No, I do not need to know the why.

As I come back to simple practices such as just feeling and observing the sensations in my body and watching them dissipate. I realize more and more we don't need the why. And really words are a clunky way to express emotions. Emotions are a feeling, more naturally just felt in the body than expressed in words.

If you want to practice just observing and feeling the sensations, I have a free 22 minute meditation called Sensations.

I reflect back on my own journey with my emotions, especially grief. In my healing journey I have brought forward the childhood grief I had not accessed in many years and it sent me into what is labeled as depression. I do believe depression comes to us because we need to slow down and access our emotions. Depression is meant to help us access those emotions we have been stuffing down or avoiding. That depression comes as a natural tool to allow us to stop and create space to feel and process.

Creating space to process can be hard when we want to put words to the feelings. Often those around us need to know why and so we try to put into words a feeling we just have. We even want to know why, as it feels vulnerable and unsafe to feel those "unsafe" emotions. Especially unsafe if we feel those emotions for an extended period of time. We want to know why so we can fix it. We want to know why so they can help ourselves. Help ourselves get out of this emotional state and back to one that feels safe or more acceptable. Get back to an emotion or feeling acceptable for everyone, such as happiness. So much love and good intentions go with the question, "Why?".

In my own experiences, sometimes you don’t know why. In the past I would cry big tears and have no conscious understanding why. The more I do this work, get back to my wounded child. Most of the time I now know why I'm crying. As I allow more of myself to acknowledge the wounds and experience my emotions, the why comes more naturally. But, knowing or not, what anyone really needs is just someone to be there for us. Just hold space for us as we are sad. Allow us to access our emotions without judgement or a need to fix it. A place where we feel comfortable and safe to express. Just let the emotions come to life, to be acknowledged. Knowing why doesn't change the hurt and if you give the emotions a safe space to express, maybe they will naturally share or know the why in time. But there is nothing to fix, just emotions that need to be expressed.

The real magic comes when we don't resist the feelings. Instead we are able to welcome with open arms our anger, fear, sadness, anxiety or any other emotion you unconsciously decided was unsafe. Just like childbirth, the more you resist and fear the process, the longer it can take. If you can just accept the contractions have a purpose and they are nothing to fear. You just allow them to move through you. That is when you give birth in 3 hours or 45 minutes... that 45 minute story will be in my book 😊. The more we just allow our emotions to be, the faster they move through our bodies.

This can be the case for any emotion if you can just sit and hold space. My daughter is showing me she is scared of something. I want to understand why she’s scared so I can stop her from being scared. But all I need to do is just be there for her. Honour that she’s scared. And just keep holding space for her. Showing her I will be there no matter what. Show her that she is safe to feel scared and mama is holding the container for her to feel that way.

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