Slowly Coming Back To Life
Lunar New Year is right around the corner. All planets are direct as of January 22nd, 2023.
I do not know about you, but 2022 was intense. It was a year of going deep for me. Peeling back layers and shining light on parts of me I had even hidden from myself.
Start of 2023 with planets in retrograde (asking us to review past energy and discern if it still serves us). I came into 2023 still feeling old energy. Still feeling like 2022. The retrograde asked me to review my relationship with my anxious energy, learn to show that part of me more compassion. It also provided me opportunities to ask for what I wanted instead of defaulting to doing what I thought I should do. I would check in, go deep and ask what I wanted in each situation. And the answer always made my mind uncomfortable because it was putting myself first. My old default energy was showing up for others first. As Maai Imbrechts called it, my old pattern of the prostitute archetype energy. Which is the human who tries to help people by coming down off the mountain to help others up the mountain… but this does not serve me, pushing people up the mountain takes energy. I am giving away my energy. It leaves me in a place of not feeling myself. So the past few weeks I have stayed on top of the mountain, wildly uncomfortable. Standing in this new energy brings up a lot anxious energy. My fears and worries that my mind latch onto and struggle to let go of while doing something so different… putting myself first.
But I am stepping onto a new track. My intuition shows me with my big toe on the new track, still a lot of me left on the old track of giving myself away and not putting myself first.
I have been listening on repeat to “Your head up” by Birdy (Jonas Blue Remix) and the lyrics are speaking to me.
“Hold tight, you are slowly coming back to life”.
This weekend I stayed home alone. My kids went to grandma and grandpa’s house and my husband at a volleyball tournament. I picked staying home, and going to a women’s circle with estatic dance hosted by Amy Ellsworth. Instead of making myself go to Moose Jaw (where the grandparents, kids, and husband are). I wanted a chance to be in my own energy and honour the new moon through ceremony with my soul sisters. And I am needing to recharge my battery. Fill myself with joyful experiences again. As 2022 felt long. I swear I spent 80% of the year in power saver mode. Low energy, low vibes is not how I want my life to consistently feel like. The reason it had to be so intense for me is I had pushed down so much. To create space for all of me, I needed to create space for the grief I had pushed down. Last year shone the light on the parts of me I had hidden away. Allows me to sit with those parts of me and hold space for her.
So, my energy this weekend is “I’m Slowly Coming Back to Life” 🙏🏻💕