I Love You 💕

I imploded last night and this morning. Hard on myself for not being more patient and kind with myself and my kids.

What came up for me when the beautiful @lornastell held space for my inner knowing, is to actually look myself in the mirror as often as possible and just say, I love you 💕

To be kind and love my messy, self loathing, victim self. She needs to know she is ok to be here. That it is ok for me to not always be working towards happy and content. It is ok for me to hate being a mom and wish for a different life when I feel stuck and unhappy in these challenging and unrewarding moments of motherhood 🙏🏻. That my “less loveable” part of me is apart of me and deserves the same amount of love and praise and kindness I show myself when I am succeeding and accomplishing. I need to let myself know I’m not too much, just a wave of humanness that we all have. And if I just let myself flow with her instead of resisting. She wouldn’t come out in such a big wave of emotion, because she could be apart of me and just a state I flow through.

Ugh, so fucking hard to be kind to that part of me. The part of me that doesn’t shine. The part of me that feels like a black hole 🕳️ sucking the joy out of everything and everyone.

But I know where resisting that part of me gets me… she comes around all the same and in a big wave that encompasses my day. Maybe it will always be like this, but I am curious to see what is on the other side of a more radical acceptance of this part of myself.