My intuition biggest messages in the last 3 years have been:
Why these messages? Because somewhere along the way I adopted (or maybe I came into this life with them) the beliefs that adults don’t have any fun and need to be working hard or getting things done. Once you become an adult and a parent, you kiss goodbye the fun. You kiss goodbye days of nothing. You need to spend the rest of your life pushing yourself because adulting and parenting shouldn’t be easy or fun. You need to show your kids the importance of hard work. You need to keep driving things forward because you are too busy now to just let things be.
Just this spring I watched the Pink documentary and I started crying. I was a couple months back to work and fully in the “no fun, always doing something” mode. In the documentary Pink tells the story of how her mom stated to her, “I never knew parenting could be fun until I saw you (aka Pink) do it!” I lost it as I heard Pink tell this story. Big tears as her words allowed my exhausted self to weep for the life I wasn’t allowing myself to live.
I think I bucked the idea of kids because I saw that milestone as the end of me. I knew on some unconscious level I would not be kind to myself. So I was slow to warm up to the idea.
The end of my chance to have fun.
The end of my chance to do nothing.
My expectations for myself were sky high before kids. Once firmly an adult with kids; I caged myself in. I took away my freedom, I took away my fun, I took away days of nothing. I was already doing this before kids, but I found a new level of restriction once becoming a parent!
The Pink documentary sparked another shift. I realized again (I have had this realization before) that what I was doing didn’t feel good. If I am not happy and would not wish this experience upon anyone, why was I forcing myself to do this? I would not want Hazel to mimic this if she became a mother. I would not want Oliver to mimic this if he became a father.
The documentary started me moving in the direction of creating space for days of nothing! And looking for ways to allow in fun.
This shift has taken 6 months to unfold. It has taken 6 months of trial and error. Plus moments of me falling back into busy mode. And I expect moving forward I will still fall back into old habits. But as I write this today, I am feeling better. I have created space throughout the past three weeks for nothing. This was accompanied with some guilt. The guilt creeps in as my mind tries to steer me back to the course we are use to. My mind knows what to expect when I don’t allow in the fun or days of nothing. My mind wants to keep me safe, so she brings forward the guilt.
There is safety in what we “know”
I got this advice from Jen Goodnow on how to acknowledge the guilt that I hope to use moving forward. You simply say to the guilt surfacing in your mind:
”Hey, I see that you are trying to keep me safe. I appreciate you trying to protect me. Thank you. I love you. Let’s see how this goes for the next 5 days and if we don’t like it, we can always switch back. Let‘s play and see how it unfold.”
I hope to look back on this post to remember that the down time was so important. Making time for fun is so important.
I would love to hear from you. I believe we heal when we are heard.
Please share with me what is holding you back from taking time for you? And if you could remove all your responsibilities, what would you do for yourself?
Sending lots of love 💕
And remember boys and girls,
Don‘t Forget The Fun!